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This Christmas…You’ll Want to Want WANT!

want download

Are you tired of being happy with what you’ve got? Do you want to want more?

Well, have I got a deal for you. Just in time for the holidays, we are releasing our revolutionary new product, Want. It’s as easy as rubbing on the cream, in a thick lather, every 5 minutes for a week. There you have it! You’ll have more Want than anyone you know.

You’ll find yourself knocking old ladies out of the way without a second thought. All the children’s candy will become yours. You can just take it! If you order now, you get this 5 gallon bucket of Want, now with 75% more Want for your dollar. But WAIT that’s not all! When you order Want right now, we will throw in these travel size containers of Envy and Spite. You can carry them with you, wherever you go! For Free!

envy download

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This has got to be expensive.” Well you’d be wrong! If you order today you get all this for the low, low price of…

Your Soul! That’s right folks. Just three easy payments of your very being and it’s yours. Call now! Don’t wait! 1-888-WANT-MOE.

Want is a registered trademark of Some Douchebag in New Jersey.

Bankers and Wall Street Execs, please visit our online store for bulk orders: GreedyLittle#%$

If you don’t believe me, just hear what this customer has to say:

I started out a banker. I was reasonably happy. I had my house, the vacation home and I rode to work in the Bentley, just like everyone. I went to GreedyLittle#%$ and it changed my life forever. In just a week I landed a job at Citibank and now actually own the U.S. Congress!

VP of Psychopathy



David White

David is a classically trained ape living in Brooklyn, NY. He’s a musician, sculptor, writer, brewer and designer. Check out more of his work at or visit to learn how we can give hope for all our futures by spreading knowledge through literature.

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